and now, one of my favorites along these lines....
(best told live, but i'll improvise)
What's the difference between a girlfriend, a hooker, and a wife?
The girlfriend goes, "ohhh babyyy, slower, slower, slower"
The hooker goes, "ohhh babyyy, Faster!, Faster!, Faster!"
and the wife goes..(insert disassociated glance upwards)
"Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling Beige..."